After for so long..

by - 7/02/2015 09:22:00 am

The other day I was having dinner with my mom and aunt. The conversation goes on when the mom was asking me how can she help her friend's son to look for a job at Singapore. While I suggest her to look up at Jobstreet, since that's the side where I manage to land 3 successful job offers for the past 4 years, the aunt added that her friend's son is not good in English, which is probably the reason why he fail to get a job at Singapore.

After hearing what my aunt said, I commented, with much frustration tone: 

"I met this person, whom also not very good in English, and working attitude is even WORSE than me! Yet, she's able to get that Singapore job!"


The mom was laughing after listening to my sentence, and continue to munch her dinner. 

It didn't take long for my mom to understand what I said. After all, she knew the reason behind. But it took me for a while to realize, that after for so long, I'm still unable to get over that incident..

Despite many encouragements made from people I've spoken to, the truth is: the more I think, the more I feel the pain inside my heart. Was it because I'm envy, jealous, that I did LOTS of things to reach that goal and yet this is what I've got? Honestly, I've tried very hard, in everything, yet the unfairness pain is still clinging inside, especially when I've to see all her updates on her FB. WHY GOD WHY? Why her why not me? Should I do something, like go after my dreams, instead of just wait and writing this post? So many questions, but no answer..

No doubt that she's happy at the other side. I should be, and trying to be, happy for her. However, at the same time, I wish I will not be seeing her again, and all the people associate with her. Why? If I see her, that evil feeling comes again, and I probably will speak something nasty, hurtful, devilish things right in front of her. You know, a jealous woman keeps people away. 

You may argue, that it's not her fault that causes all these things. She's just being lucky to have such opportunity that people dream of. On the other hand, I'm just being used by people. I feel that I'm the person who needs some time to forgive and forget for this incident. People tried to tell me to get over it, but honestly, it's hard. Which is why I'm writing this post. I'm sorry that you've to bear my seconds of frustration.

The dream may have shattered, but life has to move on. You lose something, you gain something. At least, at the end of the day, I know I can trust on God, instead of the human. Human changes over time but God is always the same God. 

The future is unpredictable but at this moment I'm certain that I WILL NOT go back to that place, and also keeping contact with the people associate with her. I'm glad that I choose to follow God's prompting and left that place. Never knew I've been leaving under the sheltered all the while, and letting other people controlled over my path, make fun of me & backstabbed me as they like.

Indeed, this world is a people-eat-people society. Time for me to think maturely and not to put so much trust on other people so easily.

You can mess with me, but you can't mess with my friend! You're the WORSE person I ever met in my entire life! I do sincerely hope that I don't need to see you again!

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes. You say sorry just for the show.

You can also read:
Why do you care?
Band-aids don't fix bullet holes



PS: Off to HK in less than 24 hours! This would be my sweet getaway to forget all these things! After all, we should live life to the fullest!

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